Friday, March 22, 2024
slowly recovering :) from a rut.
Alhamdulillah. slowly getting out of a rut. i think what makes me feel good is i decided to have a quick 30 min jog tonight. tadi berbuka chilis with my husband :) we ate ribs and steak. and also brownies n icecream.
Alhamdulillah Allah still bagi hidayah to me. to get back on track. focus on my mental health, physical health, my career and my family. im so grateful
I will try to be consistent on my exercise and tarawih. sebab harini dah 11 ramadhan rasanya. so i dont want my ramadhan to go to waste.
alhamdulillah, thank you allah for this hidayah. may i come back stronger. healthier. fitter. more positive.
Tomorrow im gonna meet my client at 11am. he wants further add his investment. alhamdulillah, dia yang cari aku. thank you Allah for this rezeki.
Many more coming. I want to focus on myself, get back on track, do many calls meet many clients, do what i love, create more contents, write more. InshaAllah.
Thursday, March 21, 2024
why do i come back to here when im in a rut
Hi. i dont know why i come back here when i feel like im in a rut. Today is 10 ramadan 1445.
i feel like im stuck in this circle of bangun, tidur...siang. berbuka. main game or do something else. and its been going for about 2 weeks. i have no motivation at all to do work. i dont know why. it seems like i have lost my clarity. i know i should be doing what i should do. but i feel stuck. like.. i dont know why i have no energy to go to office. even when i arrive at the office, walaupun i dah siap makeup apa semua but i still rasa i can go back. walaupun dah waste 30 mins to go to office. partly i think sbb i dont like tempat yg malap. i rasa macam takde energy. then it keeps on rolling. sampailah sekarang.. should i just bring my lamp? i dont know. but i feel like i want to but this lamp is so big. i need to buy a small one. maybe tengahari esok.
esok maybe i come and tunjuk muka. at least i come. maybe partly because i already have 20k. because of last month's flowover. it should be 30k last month. but yeah. things didnt go as planned because tak sempat disbursed before cut off. i feel so bad because i have high expectations of myself. i know i need to be present for myself, for my team, and for other people. like i cant be selfish and think of my own je. but at the same time my body feels... urhghh i dont know what to say. my mind tak centered. like i can just ignore everything but what are the consequences? i cannot do that to my upline. i know i shouldnt do it. ah.. but i dont know why my body macam ni.. maybe because i have been eating for berbuka 2 kali tambah nasi and malam makan lagi. rasa macam.. ntahla macam tak kena. pastu sahur tidur balik. bangun lewat jadi lambat pergi kerja. haihh. i know i shouldnt be like this. i need to get myself out of this rut. FAST. but i know i have to keep it slowly. its okay, aku buat call esok sampai pukul 12 only. and then aku ciao. im sorry. but it takes quite some time for me to get back on track. i dont know what i need to do but i dont like sleeping after sahur because my brain jadi macam penat. so i might stop that first. tomorrow, aku sahur, solat subuh, siap pegi office, attend morningizer, buat call until 11-12. then aku belah. kena bawak extra kasut esok untuk try baju . tengoklah kalau ada mood. but fuck this feeling man.
Thursday, September 8, 2022
Unmotivated
Hi! Here i am again.
I am not sure why im feeling like this. Kalau perasan whenever i feel bad or down mesti aku tulis kat blog. Actually i feel bad for myself, for not being inspired or motivated, when i know i should be like that. I have a lot of big goals that are still yet to be achieved, but here I am right now. I am not sure why i feel like this. But i think sebab lately ni hari hari makan junk food, so i read that it will affect my mood cuz of imbalance sugar levels etc. And today i wanna start eating healthy again . and by healthy i mean - NO junk food. for a week? Lets try. but i still need to recover fast from this pain because it will affect me n people surrounding me.
Tuesday, April 19, 2022
burnt out
Im at this point of my life yang i feel burnt out. i know my accomplishments are not that great.. but its still great for me la since ive reached my first 5 figure income. but, to get 5 figure income, i had to sacrifice a lot of the things that i love, such as my family time, gaming, going to the places i love.. if only i could travel. pergi short escape.
Sunday, February 13, 2022
Update on myself and my dad.
Hello everyone assalamualaikum ^^. Alhamdulillah i'm getting better day by day.. demam dah makin kebah, i feel more energetic than the previous day, i feel more hopeful. and also abah pun makin sihat alhamdulillah, tak pakai bekalan oxygen dah, and SpO2 dia pun stabil. Cumanya tak keluar lagi lah dari hospital. Gotta make sure yang betul2 dah sihat baru boleh keluar. Disebabkan abah dah makin sihat, i am more motivated to do my work. Kalau tak rasa down sangat. Tak de motivation nak buat benda apa pun, just nak abah sihat je. Tapi since abah pun dah start reply whatsapp, angkat call, baru ada semangat balik nak start kerja. Since I'm a unit trust consultant, I have to find and help someone to invest baru I get paid. If no sales = no money. I have to get back on track. I have to win the Top New UTC Champion Nationwide 2022 with RM10,000,000 Sales. I have to. I NEED TO. and winners gotta get back on track. and Losers complain.
Honestly I just want to get better than the old me. I want to get better day by day. I want to be the best version of myself today than yesterday. I don't want to compete with anyone else. I am progressing at my own pace. I am moving at my own pace. I will get what I want eventually at my own pace. Everyone's journey is different. '
It's not about how fast we get there, it's about the climb' - Miley Cyrus.
I CAN DO THISS!!!! CAIYYOK FITRIE!!! KEEP ON MOVINGGGG!!! FAILING IS BETTER THAN NO PROGRESS!! ASALKAN BUAT SAMPAI JADI!!
Wednesday, February 9, 2022
Abah just got Covid19.
Hi. these past few weeks have been like hell to me. My dad just got covid19 and he's unvaccinated. it fell like my whole world falling apart. Don't ask me why he's not vaccinated, believe me i have already pushed him to get the vaccine but yeah he was so scared of the vaccine [because he has sakit jantung & darah tinggi]. So now he's in HKL after i sent him to the hospital with my lil bro after we found out that he's oxygen meter was below 95. Thankfully we did. Because now my dad uses the bekalan oxygen. and he initally wanted to stay at home after we asked him to go to hospital with us. Please pray for my dad's health recovery.
Not to mention that I also had a fever ( and still has ) for about a week now. I feel so bad because I'm not at my best potential and i can't do my job because i have a cough so it affects and changes my voice. and also, who wants to be around with someone that's sick and potentially could have covid? omicron cases are getting crazy.
I guess I have to push myself to get better faster because I need to do my job. Because I have a lot of bigger dreams I need to achieve in this year. I'll take it as a challenge to earn a lot with my current situation. I guess God won't test you unless you can actually face it.
I just need to change my mindset. Right now, I feel like I just don't care about my dreams. All I'm worried about is my dad's health. but I can't live this way. I'm sabotaging myself. I need to change. Fast.
Till then.
Tuesday, August 17, 2021
sluggish
Hi. Today i feel so sluggish. Lately weather macam asyik hujan and mendung, and susah gila nak bangun awal pagi. Kalau bangun awal pagi pun tak semangat. I rasa i kena ubah sleeping schedule, sebab asyik tido pukul 12-1 macam tu, tu pun bukan terus tido tapi main phone dulu. Paling lambat pun pukul 2. Memang susahlaaaaa.
I kena ubah tido awal so then i bangun pagi semangat and tahu goals i apa everyday!!! Caiyokkk!! I dahla dalam transitioning period ni >.< so yeah a bit uncomfortable but kinda excited for my new career.
I'll give myself 6 months to prove myself that I can do it, if i put my mind into it. I saw on twitter there's this one tweet:
Advice from Elon Musk.
"Give yourself 6 months.
If you are serious about changing your life, do something consistently for 6 months.
I guarantee you’ll see results.
If you give up, you don’t want it bad enough."
If we put our mind into it im sure we can do this!!! 🤩
Wednesday, August 11, 2021
I did it. I resigned.
I DID IT ! I SENT THE RESIGNATION LETTER!
oh my god. korang tau tak aku delay 2 jam untuk tekan "SEND"! aku delay 2 jam!! aku dah siap dah semua email & resignation letter, tinggal nak send je. AND I DID IT.
Sebelum tu i tanya HR, patut ke i cc hr apa semua then he said yes CC je kalau confident dah nak blah. and I pun CC hr and my supervisor and HOD. I DID IT GUYS I DID IT. it was so hard.. because I dah stress gila haritu pasal kerja, and i made up my mind to resign. but on the day that i want to send the resignation letter, i feel OMG. CUAK NYA. like aku patut send je time tengah sedih haritu, takde la fikir banyak sangat en. hahahah. but i did it. im proud of myself sebab im doing this for myself! I can find better opportunities outside, then why shouldn't I resign? other than this, I have other personal problems as well that I need to settle first.
But i'm so proud of myself! i faced my fear with courage!! i indeed thankful for all of the opportunities have given to me time kerja dekat company ni, but i think it's time to move on.
and also, writing makes me feel better at expressing myself. (other than calling my bf time dia tengah kerja to comfort me, sebab i tak rilek, lepas hantar email resignation letter terus lari turun bawah dari PC hahaha) . damn.
THIS IS A SIGN FOR YOU TO FACE YOUR FEAR & CHALLENGES TOO!
:) all the best to myself. and you too.
Tuesday, August 10, 2021
Testing Blogger app on my phone!
Hi! This is me testing blogger app on my phone :) oh! I just upgraded my phone from iPhone 7+ to S21 :) it's definitely an upgrade from me!!! Loving this amoled screen!! And other features as well.
I'm not sure why i haven't been blogging for the past years? It's so therapeutic. Maybe sebab sekarang dah kerja, dah banyak responsibilities, and sekarang baru sedar kepentingan mental health. Especially during this pandemic.
Kalau sebelum ni kalau kita stress, boleh turun main frisbee dengan kawan, boleh keluar dengan kawan... sekarang ni kena fikir cara sendiri je untuk luahkan perasaan. I mean, luahkan perasaan dekat bf, kawan tu benda biasa. Cuma bila kita tulis ni, dia macam kita luahkan perasaan kt diri kita, and nanti bila dah tua nanti boleh baca balik, "ohhh aku ingat lagi time ni" hahaah! At least 1 post per week, i think okay untuk summarise the week macam mana i time tu. (Semangat pulak tetiba rasa nak menulis hahaah)
Anyways.... i akan cerita banyak lagi lah on the next post. Maybe akan cerita more about my work etc.
See youuu, ttyl.
Checking in after a year!
Hi semua! apa khabar? harini 10/8/2021. Salam maal hijrah semua :)
Lately things has been really tiring. Dengan covid 19 yang daily cases more than 20,000. dengan dok baca berita kematian hari hari... Semalam Siti Sarah meninggal dunia. Al-fatihah. rasa sedih walaupun kita tak kenal dia personally, because I know she's a nice person. I'm so sad when people lost their loved ones, because I know how it feels like, and I just wish other people won't experience it. But, siapa je kita sebenarnya. We are just normal human beings, yang masing2 ada lifespan sendiri.
Bukan tu je, kita ni yang dok rumah pun stress dengan kerja, duit, dengan masalah macam2. Some of us ada lagi yang susah, takde makanan, takde kerja. But i know kita ni yang ada rumah, ada tempat tidur, ada tempat makan pun rasa penat. It's okay, your emotions are valid. We are all tired. We want this Covid19 Pandemic to end.
I hope you guys keep my dad in your prayers, sebab dia sekarang ada masalah jantung, a few months ago asyik dok keluar masuk hospital sebab dia punya jantung tersumbat. I just pray things will get better over time. sekarang ni dok pujuk dia amik vaccine. I dah complete 2 dose, adik i pun dah, tinggal kakak I je untuk 2nd dose. But my dad tak ready nak ambil lagi. Hmmm.
Kalau pasal kerja pulak, last week I had a mental breakdown about work hahaha. Things have been rough, but yeah, i'm sure, when a door closes, another door will open for you. I'm sure I am on the right path.
I have this mutual friend that is successful doing his job, so I would like to give myself a try to follow his steps. You know the thing about life is that you don't know what you're doing is right or suitable for you. You just have to try. and that's what I'm doing right now. I don't know if this new job will suit me, but it will hurt me even more if I don't give it a try.
I hope you guys stay safe during this pandemic. If you feel tired, sad, try to talk to your family/friends. Ease the burden in your heart. I will try to keep myself sane by writing on this blog more hahah.
See you on the next post! <3 xoxo.
Wednesday, July 22, 2020
Arif
I love Arif so much. I see him as my soulmate, my future husband.
I pray that we'll be together till the end of time.
Monday, June 22, 2020
Weekend Well Spent, Saturday
hi ^^ its monday today. which means sunday is yesterday. and saturday is the day before that.
spent my weekend with my boyfriend. we went out and eat ramen saerockya dekat area petaling jaya :) i naik lrt pegi dekat dia and dia ambil i. mula mula masuk kete be like:
"kita nak gi mana"
"gi makan ramen"
"bukak ke?"
"kalau tak bukak kita makan nandos!"
"ish takmau lah!"
hahhah arif knows how much i love nandos sampai dia bosan dah dengan nandos asyik2 pegi nandos je. i rasa hritu i suggest nak gi nandos pastu dia taknak gi pastu dia nak tebus balik time tu hahaha. but yeah i tak de mood nak makan nandos time tu sebab sebelum jumpa dia i makan maggi kari.
so dalam nak dekat pukul 8 tu dah sampai kat ramen tu. kena isi nama, isi temperature.. biasalah PKPP kan. banyak procedure. sementara tunggu tu kitaorang main yang tunding jari tu. tau tak game tu?
kiranya game macam contoh nya i tunding jari ke atas, arif kene react cepat untuk pusing lawan arah yang i tunding jari. contohnya i tunding jari ke atas, arif pusing kepala ke kiri. macam tu la gamenya.
lepastu i buat la kat dia and dia menang first round. then dia buat kat i pulak, dia tunjuk atas tapi i ikut atas. hahaha i yang noob sbnrnya. dahla dia guna jari lain xd.
then dah masuk tu kitaorang masuk and makan. i order yang shoyu punya.. arif order yang first apa tah i tak ingat. tapi sedap je kitaorang punya. kuah nak dekat sama. lepastu sampai plak makanan mcm karipap. i lupa apa nama dia tapi centu jelah.
so this is my food! nampak sedap kan? memang sedap pun. tapi tau tak apa yang tak best? i tak pandai pakai chopstick :( so everytime makan ramen or sushi i akan mintak garfu hahah. arif pun dah penat dah nak explain kat i. pastu i ada buat timelapse tapi taknak tunjuk dekat sini heheh. arif habeskan makanan i sebab i dah kenyang. dia selalu habiskan makanan i. padahal i lagi gemok dari dia. pelik kan?
dah habis makan dia terus hantar i balik. tak boleh nak buat aktiviti apa sangat sebab takde bende yang bukak. so kitaorang jumpa makan je :) thankyou arif bawak i pegi makan and spend time dengan i.
Thursday, June 18, 2020
It got me
Hello everyone ~ this is my first post after 5 years. i finally graduated!!!~ Bachelor of Chemical Engineering with honours. 5 years have been really tough for me. study, frisbee.. main game. relationships n stuff. its okay we move on to the next phase of life, which is the working life!
Baru je grad sebulan 5/5/2020. dengan virus covid19 ni, semua final exam digantikan dengan extended assignment. sedih berakhir cemni, tak end dengan kawan. dahla last haritu sebelum start PKP, aku marah dekat thir aishah n ina. sebab diorang tak nak or tak boleh nak tolong aku record video sebelum balik rumah untuk PKP. then last2 aku balik dengan An the next few days. Hahah. tapi dah mintak maaf dah pun haritu, nanges2 kat wasep. tak apalah. ada rezeki jumpa lagi diorang.
So aku pun start streaming haritu January 2020 tapi sekejap je sampai bulan 3. tu pun jarang2. tapi sebab musim PKP haritu aku start balik lepas habis final exam. kiranya dah sebulan dah la aku stream. bolehlahhh dari tak buat apa kan. time ni tak cari kerja lagi.
But now aku rasa sebulan tu dah cukup lama dah untuk relax. so now masa untuk cari kerja pulak. thanks to Arif also. dia lah yang dok scold me about my career path. the thing is, i also dont know what i want in life. maybe i just want love and happiness, and also money. sekarang ni macam tak clear lagi nak apa, but i dont mind jadi apa pun as long as i feel thats enough for me, and cukup untuk tolong family and simpanan. tapi tengoklah rezeki aku dekat mana.
I'm so thankful that I have Arif by my side. dia lah yang selalu ingatkan aku pasal important things like this that I take lightly. for all the things that i have done for the past month, rasa macam i was so selfish. dengan keadaan sekarang, i only think of myself. jahat kan? but now aku dah sedar. i have to think about my family as well. i wanna help them. i want to help myself too. at least, tak jadi burden.
anyways, i think thats all for today. i just feel like i need to write to express my feelings. not that i dont have Arif to share with, its just that what im writing right now is what im feeling rn. will be writing again soon, if i have the time.
Sunday, November 8, 2015
sem 3
Haiii sekarang tengah sem break. 2 minggu je. hurmmm. hari ahad ni balik dah UTP. :/
Apa apa pun kene kuatkan semangat belajar!! caiyok!!
tapi pointer untuk sem2 ni tak tahu tahu lagi. harap2 okay lah. InshAllah.
Monday, May 11, 2015
Saturday, May 9, 2015
First post
Hi everyoneeeee~~
So here is my first post. (tahun 2015 la hehe) .Cepatnya masa berlalu! Aku sekarang belajar dekat UTP dah. Tu pun baru sebulan lebih.
Setelah pelbagai dugaan dan cabaran homesick aku di sini, sekarang dah okay sikitlah. Kalau tak, dulu time first time masuk UTP memang nangis gila gila.
Tapi time tu aku tak nangis depan abah lah, lepas abah balik baru aku nangis time nak pergi Chancellor Hall. Masalahnya menangis depan orang ramai... tapi aku tak kisah pun. Budak tak pernah duduk asrama kan.
Awal2 dulu aku tak belajar lan8gsung sebab homesick. Belajar pun nak taknak. Selepas dua tiga kali balik KL baru rasa nak belajar. Rasanya pointer sem 1 foundation ni teruk lah sebab tak belajar sangat kan.
Takpelah kita go with da flow ajelah.
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