Diary Internet Saya :)

i feel like im stuck in this circle of bangun, tidur...siang. berbuka. main game or do something else. and its been going for about 2 weeks. i have no motivation at all to do work. i dont know why. it seems like i have lost my clarity. i know i should be doing what i should do. but i feel stuck. like.. i dont know why i have no energy to go to office. even when i arrive at the office, walaupun i dah siap makeup apa semua but i still rasa i can go back. walaupun dah waste 30 mins to go to office. partly i think sbb i dont like tempat yg malap. i rasa macam takde energy. then it keeps on rolling. sampailah sekarang.. should i just bring my lamp? i dont know. but i feel like i want to but this lamp is so big. i need to buy a small one. maybe tengahari esok.

esok maybe i come and tunjuk muka. at least i come. maybe partly because i already have 20k. because of last month's flowover. it should be 30k last month. but yeah. things didnt go as planned because tak sempat disbursed before cut off. i feel so bad because i have high expectations of myself. i know i need to be present for myself, for my team, and for other people. like i cant be selfish and think of my own je. but at the same time my body feels... urhghh i dont know what to say. my mind tak centered. like i can just ignore everything but what are the consequences? i cannot do that to my upline. i know i shouldnt do it. ah.. but i dont know why my body macam ni.. maybe because i have been eating for berbuka 2 kali tambah nasi and malam makan lagi. rasa macam.. ntahla macam tak kena. pastu sahur tidur balik. bangun lewat jadi lambat pergi kerja. haihh. i know i shouldnt be like this. i need to get myself out of this rut. FAST. but i know i have to keep it slowly.  its okay, aku buat call esok sampai pukul 12 only. and then aku ciao. im sorry. but it takes quite some time for me to get back on track. i dont know what i need to do but i dont like sleeping after sahur because my brain jadi macam penat. so i might stop that first. tomorrow, aku sahur, solat subuh, siap pegi office, attend morningizer, buat call until 11-12. then aku belah. kena bawak extra kasut esok untuk try baju . tengoklah kalau ada mood. but fuck this feeling man.